Tomorrow is my third wedding anniversary! To celebrate, I am sharing a few lessons I have learned about love over the course of my life.
JT (my husband) and I are both huge readers, and as such, I thought it would be fun to put a book-ish spin on the lessons. Instead of a standard listicle, today’s lessons are brought to you in the form of book quotes.
I hope that along with the lessons, you will also pick up a book recommendation or two as well!
lessons on love in the form of book quotes
“Mum used to say to me — when you pick who you want to be with, you have to imagine every part of life, every scenario. Good, bad, happy, sad, painful, beautiful — not just the person you want to do roadtrips with, but the person you want to be stuck in gridlock traffic with. Not just the person you want to have babies with, but the person you want to grieve with, the person you want next to you on the worst day of your life, at the funeral of someone you love, who’s next to you? Who do you go home to? You don’t need a fair-weather lover, you need the person that’s going to stand next to you in their wellies, staring down the barrel of the storm.”
— Daisy Haites: The Great Undoing by Jessa Hastings
If you take nothing else away from this post, let it be the above quote. It is quite easy to have fun with someone — to love someone — when things are going well. It is an entirely different thing to love someone — and to be loved by someone — when times are tough.
Life is a series of ups and downs, highs and lows, and when choosing a partner you must choose the person you can see by your side through it all.
“I want to make you breakfast, [redacted]. Meet you at home, every day, and share car keys and toothpaste and surprise you with birthday candles.”
— Talking at Night by Claire Daverley
When we are young, we think the perfect adult relationships consist of nothing but undying passion, top-tier romance, and hot sex day in and day out, but that’s not usually true. A majority of the time, adult relationships consist of fairly mundane things. Eating leftovers together on a Thursday night. Folding laundry. Watching your favorite shows together.
Choose the partner who makes those ordinary every day things feel a little bit extraordinary. Or, at least makes them feel a little less terrible. No one, and I mean no one, will ever make me think doing the dishes is even a little bit extraordinary.
But, I suppose there is no one I would rather be doing the dishes with than JT… probably because I cook and he cleans, therefore I rarely do them at all, which is extraordinary in it’s own right.
“I think so much of making a relationship work has to do with choosing to be kind even when you may not feel like it. It sounds like the most obvious thing in the world but it’s much easier said than done, don’t you think?”
— The Most Fun We Ever Had by Claire Lombardo
Now, I don’t know about you but I take my bad moods out on the people closest to me. These days, that means my husband tends to bare the brunt of my bad moods and vice versa!
We do this because we know the people we are closest to will love us regardless. However, it isn’t fair and there is only so much of your shitty attitude one person can take before it begins to wear on them too.
It’s easy to snap at your partner (or best friend!) after a bad day at work, but learning to process your emotions, rather than taking them out on your partner, is something that will protect your relationship in the long run.
“She thought about the way falling for Brennan felt like curling up by the fireplace, drinking hot tea, warming her bones and her heart and her soul with each metaphorical sip of his company.”
— Adelaide by Genevieve Wheeler
I adore this quote because it perfectly encapsulates the feeling of falling in love with the right person. It should feel like coming home after the end of a long day and changing into your comfiest pajamas and fuzziest slippers.
“And maybe that was what real, adult love was. Being fearless enough to hold each other close no matter how catastrophic the world became. Loving each other with enough ferocity to quell the fears of the past. Just fucking being there.”
— Seven Days in June by Tia Williams
The last line of this quote says so much in so few words. Oftentimes, we agonize over how to be a good spouse, a friend, a good parent, a good adult child, but so much of what is important in an adult relationship — romantic or otherwise — is just being there. Showing up. Being a safe space after a hard day. Remembering to say good luck before a big presentation.
Don’t overcomplicate things, just be there.
“But no one person can be everything we need.”
— Funny Story by Emily Henry
This Emily Henry quote, simple as it may be, hit me like a ton of bricks when I read Funny Story last week. I am actually working on an entire essay that explores this in more depth, so stay tuned. It will most likely be published next Tuesday.
“Husbands and wives generally understand when opposition will be in vain.”
— Persuasion by Jane Austen
When my husband asked for my dad’s’ permission to propose1 he asked my dad if he had any marriage advice. My dad told him two things:
Do not let Maddie manage the finances (I’ve been terrible with money since birth)
Happy wife, happy life
The above Jane Austen quote reminds me a little of my dad’s second piece of advice. In not just marriage, but in all relationships, you need to pick your battles and choose which hills you are going to die on. Some disagreements are just not worth the energy and being able to discern which are and are not will ultimately lead to a much more peaceful existence.
Now I want to hear from you! Do you agree with these quotes? Disagree? And what are some of your favorite lessons and quotes on love?
Yes, this is very old-school, but my parents are traditional and this mattered to them. It was just a formality — JT and I had been talking about marriage for a while and he had already consulted me on the ring — but it was a formality that meant a lot to my parents and therefore, it meant a lot to me.
Beautiful, honest writing and such a fun idea to use the book quotes. I needed this this week 🩷
Omg Madeline you look so beautiful!!! I hope you both have a wonderful day celebrating. This is a gorgeous piece 💐