Thank you so much for your kind words on last week’s post about my experience being alcohol free! I was so nervous before sharing it, but had no reason to be. Everyone was so kind and supportive in the comments, and the response made me so grateful for this community. I love you all so much!!
If you missed last week’s post, you should catch up before reading below :)
Disclaimer — I am not a medical doctor, therapist, or addiction expert. I am just a person with a story, who hopes that by telling my story, I might inspire someone else to examine their own relationship with alcohol. If you are currently struggling with addiction or substance abuse please know that help is available.
At the end of last week’s post, I mentioned that my behavior was the main driver for me quitting alcohol. I also promised to start this week’s post by elaborating more on why I stopped drinking.
After further reflection over the past seven days, I realized that there isn’t really much to elaborate on. At least, not without going into the sordid details of the worst things I’ve said and done while drinking and I don’t feel the need to share those things at this moment in time. Perhaps one day, but also, maybe not.
Regardless, I don’t think the messy details are what is most important.
What is important is the fact I was not happy with the person I sometimes became while drinking. And, for what it’s worth, neither were many of the people closest to me.
For many years, I was able to ignore my problematic behavior and the poor decisions I made while intoxicated.
Chalked it up to youth. Convinced myself I would outgrow it one day. Told myself that everyone has bad nights sometimes — even though I knew deep down that my bad nights were worse and more frequent than my friends’ bad nights.
Then, last October I decided I couldn’t keep going the way I was. I had seriously considered quitting drinking three other times between July 2022 and October 2023, none of which had lasted longer than a week.
But on that October morning, something was different. I was fed up with the cycle I had been stuck in since college. Sick of waking up on Sundays feeling horrible about things I had said the night before. Sick of sending the same apology texts to my friends, weekend after weekend. Tired of the guilt. Of the shame. Of disappointing myself.
I was finally ready to be done with it all.
To be done with alcohol.
At least for a while.
What does ‘a while’ mean?
When I first stopped drinking, I was very firm that a while did not have to mean forever. Forever sounded very permanent and I wasn’t ready to make a permanent decision. What I was ready to commit to was a year. One year and I could re-evaluate from there.
Today, it’s been a bit more than nine months since I stopped drinking. I have made it through holidays, vacations, weddings, girls trips, and a big chunk of summer without drinking. What’s more is I haven’t just managed to make it through these events, I’ve thrived at these events. And when I say I do not miss alcohol at all, I really mean it.
In addition to not missing alcohol, I have noticed a big shift in my mood, mental health, and general productivity since I stopped drinking. I have also — like many newly alcohol free people do — embarked on quite the learning journey over the past nine months. With all of the information I now have about the ways alcohol impacts our brains, bodies, and longevity, I don’t really want to consume it at all.
That being said, I am now beginning to think that a while probably does mean forever. However, forever is a very long time, I am still quite young in the grand scheme of life, and I reserve the right to change my mind in the future.
Before I wrap up, I would like to say that I am not anti-alcohol and I do not judge anyone for choosing to drink. I’m not trying to tell anyone how to live their life, I am simply sharing how I live mine.
I plan to continue writing about my experience and advice for being alcohol-free and these are the topics that are top of mind:
tips for alcohol free nights out
signs your relationship with alcohol is toxic
my thoughts on the “California sober” movement
how alcohol effects women and men differently
navigating holidays and family situations without alcohol
what to do if you feel deprived without alcohol
the benefits I’ve experienced since quitting
how to relax/de-stress without drinking
an alcohol free beverage/recipe round up
If there is anything you would like to see a post on, please leave a comment or send me a DM on Instagram.
Thank you all again so much for your support!! It means the world to me!!
XOXO,
Maddie
I read part one and two, and I just want to say - I'm so proud of you! Sharing your experience with alcohol must have been tough, but I can imagine how it could almost be therapeutic in a way. My husband is in the same boat, almost 3 months sober now. I look forward to reading more of your posts about sobriety. Cheering you on 🥳
p.s. do you prefer to go by Madeline? or something else?
Yessss! Love reading stories about fellow sober gals. Proud of you ❤️ xoxo, a recovering alcoholic, 4.5 years sober